related_results_labels({"version":"1.0","encoding":"UTF-8","feed":{"xmlns":"http://www.w3.org/2005/Atom","xmlns$openSearch":"http://a9.com/-/spec/opensearchrss/1.0/","xmlns$georss":"http://www.georss.org/georss","id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249"},"updated":{"$t":"2009-12-07T04:22:31.401-06:00"},"title":{"type":"text","$t":"40s Singleness-Dating in Your 40s"},"subtitle":{"type":"html","$t":"Because I'm not dead yet!"},"link":[{"rel":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005#feed","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/posts/default"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/-/dating+tips?alt\u003djson-in-script\u0026max-results\u003d10"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/search/label/dating%20tips"},{"rel":"hub","href":"http://pubsubhubbub.appspot.com/"},{"rel":"next","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/-/dating+tips/-/dating+tips?alt\u003djson-in-script\u0026start-index\u003d11\u0026max-results\u003d10"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"}}],"generator":{"version":"7.00","uri":"http://www.blogger.com","$t":"Blogger"},"openSearch$totalResults":{"$t":"195"},"openSearch$startIndex":{"$t":"1"},"openSearch$itemsPerPage":{"$t":"10"},"entry":[{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249.post-3756017786862635353"},"published":{"$t":"2008-07-31T09:19:00.007-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-07-31T09:40:09.204-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"EUM"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"relationships"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Mr. Unavailable and The Fallback Girl"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating tips"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"EUA"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Mr. Unavailable and The Fallback Girl-Part 2"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003ca onblur\u003d\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href\u003d\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SJHK0nWSC2I/AAAAAAAACDI/zmvO1gfzNeM/s1600-h/mr-unavailable-and-the-fallback-girl.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;\" src\u003d\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SJHK0nWSC2I/AAAAAAAACDI/zmvO1gfzNeM/s400/mr-unavailable-and-the-fallback-girl.jpg\" alt\u003d\"\" id\u003d\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5229183647618304866\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eWhen I read Part I of \u003ca href\u003d\"http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailable-and-the-fallback-girl-book-one/\"\u003eMr. Unavailable \u0026amp; The Fallback Girl\u003c/a\u003e, I had a lot of light bulb moments. There were many ‘aha’s’ and more tears. I saw myself in much of what I read and the men in my past in even more of it. \u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"  style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eI recognized that I was indeed a Fallback Girl and, therefore, emotionally unavailable myself. I’ll be honest enough to tell you that it was a difficult, but life changing time for me.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eI had spent time on my journey already making changes and taking time to fall in love with myself. I had been to counseling and realized the impact my past and my mom have had on my present. But it truly was not until I discovered NML’s \u003ca href\u003d\"http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/\"\u003eBaggage Reclaim\u003c/a\u003e and began reading her book that I figured out just how much work there was still to do.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eOne of the things that I love about NML and her work is that she doesn’t pull any punches. She puts it all out there and doesn’t coddle and some of us need that tough love. I need that tough love. Maybe you need it too.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIn Part 2 tough love is definitely on the menu. I got to meet myself, the Fallback Girl, in vivid detail. If I had any doubt before, the illusions were stripped away and left me without any doubt.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"  style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight: bold;\"\u003eThe Fallback Girl in All Her Glory\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eOne of the things that you need to know first is that she’s as emotionally unavailable as Mr. Unavailable. It’s one of the reasons she attracts him. They are both commitment phobic and, though different things may drive them, they both have issues and baggage to overcome.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIn the case of the Fallback Girl, she has low self-esteem and self worth. She probably believes herself not good enough or not deserving of love and relationship with a healthy man. Sound like anyone you know?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eNML says this about the Fallback Girl:\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cblockquote\u003eThere are three things that are driving everything that you do and they’re your low self-esteem, your trust, and your fears. Being with Mr. Unavailable and any man for that matter that helps to keep you in a cycle of negativity is about pursuing men and relationships that reflect the negative things that you believe about yourself.\u003c/blockquote\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eOld beliefs of not being good enough, of not being loveable and worthy will trip you up every time. And, if you don’t deal with them, you’ll continue to attract EUMs and wonder why you just can’t meet a nice guy.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight: bold;\"\u003eThe Fallback Girl by Category\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight: bold;font-family:verdana;\" \u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"  style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eThere are 5 categories of Fallback Girls. They are:\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight: bold;\"\u003eThe Yo Yo Girl\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eMeet yours truly. When I was reading this section, I kept thinking “Whoa. This is me. This is me.” Sure enough, next thing I knew there was one of my quotes. Yep. This is me.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThe Yo Yo Girl is the girl who keeps letting Mr. Unavailable pull her in and push her away on a regular basis. She attracts the Bad Penny and lets him leave and re-enter her life. He’ll go away for awhile and the turn up like the Bad Penny he is, and she lets him right back in.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight: bold;\"\u003eThe Other Woman\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThe OW is that Fallback Girl that is involved with assclowns who are cheating on their wives or girlfriends. She suffers immensely from Second Best Syndrome and knows that, someday, he really will leave his wife for her. Except that, of course, he never does.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eShe believes that she is not good enough to be number one in his life and may play second best in other areas of her life as well.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight: bold;\"\u003eThe Fixers and Healers\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThese include both The Renovator and Florence Nightengale. These are the Fallback Girls who are trying to turn a pig’s ear into silk. They attract men they aren’t really interested in and try to make him the perfect man.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThis can mean anything from changing his hair and his style to trying to cure his addictions. Meet assclown #3. This obviously tells you that I also fit into the Fixers and Healers category. Of course, as we have seen, that didn’t quite work out for me, did it?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight: bold;\"\u003eThe Flogger\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eAh, The Flogger. This is the girl who’s going to beat a dead horse until she finally gets what she wants. An engagement ring, him moving in, or a baby. Whatever means the relationship is moving to the next level. Except that it never does and she just keeps flogging away.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eHe’ll never give her what she wants and what she thinks she needs because he knows she’ll stick around regardless.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight: bold;\"\u003eThe Over-Giver\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThis Fallback Girl gives and gives and gives and is always disappointed that doesn’t receive in return. She believes in tit for tat and can’t understand why she is doing all of the giving and Mr. Unavailable is doing all of the receiving.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eOver-Givers are the queen of the second guessers. They never just sit back and wait to see if someone will give to them. Their insecurities lead them to believe that the only way people will give to them is if they lead by example. They are sure that people won’t be around them if they don’t give, give, give. They are “yes” girls. You won’t find them telling him, or anyone else, “No.\"\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight: bold;\"\u003eThe Bottom Line\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"  style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eIf you see yourself even a little bit in any of these girls, you have to stop now. Download \u003ca href\u003d\"http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailable-and-the-fallback-girl-book-one/\"\u003eMr. Unavailable \u0026amp; The Fallback Girl\u003c/a\u003e and start figuring why you do what you do and how to clear old beliefs. You won’t attract a healthy, emotionally available man until you do. Period.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eNML says:\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cblockquote\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eTherefore, when you continually draw to yourself a certain type of relationship, when you notice a pattern in your life's behaviour and when you repeatedly find yourself dealing with the same issues, you will know that the \"trouble\" lies within you...and not with the other person...When this discovery is made, it is then possible to have conscious relationships. Rather than reacting to what happens around you, it is possible to look within yourself and discover what part of you has been \"feeding” the situation.\u003c/blockquote\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eYou have to get real. You have to get honest. You have to understand that even though the men in your life probably were Mr. Unavailables, you were the “only recurring character in each relationship.”\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThis book is supposed to give you many Epiphany Moments to connect with and help you have your Epiphany Relationship because there really is no escaping the truth of these relationships.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eAnd it will do that if you give it half a chance. It will be the ammunition you need to become aware of your triggers and to begin to get healthy.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-weight: bold;\"\u003eMore to Come\u003c/span\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"  style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eIn Part 3, NML discusses how to get healthy and how to spot red flags and move onto healthy relationships with emotionally available men. As this has already become a million miles long, look for more from Part 3 tomorrow on \u003ca href\u003d\"http://20-forty.com/\"\u003e20-forty.com\u003c/a\u003e.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThere are also some things that NML discusses about communication and assumptions that are worth discussing in detail. Look for those next week on \u003ca href\u003d\"http://20-forty.com/\"\u003e20-forty.com\u003c/a\u003e.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8493752210040404249-3756017786862635353?l\u003d40ssingleness.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/3756017786862635353/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d8493752210040404249\u0026postID\u003d3756017786862635353\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/3756017786862635353"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/3756017786862635353"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/07/mr-unavailable-and-fallback-girl-part-2.html","title":"Mr. Unavailable and The Fallback Girl-Part 2"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"16626282100331405445"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SJHK0nWSC2I/AAAAAAAACDI/zmvO1gfzNeM/s72-c/mr-unavailable-and-the-fallback-girl.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249.post-882418979452439062"},"published":{"$t":"2008-07-27T07:38:00.006-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-07-27T08:09:50.144-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"first dates"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Dating Without Drama"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating tips"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"The Dating Without Drama First Date Quiz"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003ca style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" onblur\u003d\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href\u003d\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIxzk9bMKAI/AAAAAAAACCo/bibGOVXTEtw/s1600-h/date2.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;\" src\u003d\"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIxzk9bMKAI/AAAAAAAACCo/bibGOVXTEtw/s400/date2.jpg\" alt\u003d\"\" id\u003d\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5227680346271393794\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eNot sure how the first date went? Feel like maybe it was good, but you're just not sure? What better way to take a little quiz to judge how it went.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eTry Paige Parker's \u003ca href\u003d\"http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/iclk?sa\u003dl\u0026amp;ai\u003dBxjBNVXOMSIDqJ5WiauiHrZ0J0uHcJOaRtIQExY23AQAQARgBIMKT7wc4AFDG4b7T_f____8BYMnW0Ij4o5wVoAGayoT9A7IBGjQwc3NpbmdsZW5lc3MuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tugEKMzAweDI1MF9hc8gBAtoBImh0dHA6Ly80MHNzaW5nbGVuZXNzLmJsb2dzcG90LmNvbS_AAgOoAwPIAwXoAzfoAxP1AwhAAAA\u0026amp;num\u003d1\u0026amp;adurl\u003dhttp://www.on2url.com/app/adtrack.asp%3FMerchantID%3D81198%26AdID%3D341147\u0026amp;client\u003dca-ref-pub-5559867376517951\u0026amp;nm\u003d2\"\u003eDating Without Drama\u003c/a\u003e first date quiz. It's pretty quick and easy and will give you a pretty clear picture how the date went from your perspective.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eJot down the answer that best applies to your date:\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e1. When the date began, you were...\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ea)  Excited to see him; looking forward to the night\u003cbr /\u003e     ahead.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eb)  Nervous and anxious, but in a good way.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ec)  Calm, cool and collected... come to think of it,\u003cbr /\u003e     maybe a little TOO calm.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ed)  Wondering why you agreed to go out with him in the\u003cbr /\u003e     first place and antsy to get the heck outta there.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e2. Let's talk appearance. How did your guy look?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ea)  Fine. He was clearly showered and wearing clean\u003cbr /\u003e     clothes, which is all that really matters to you.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eb)  Hot with a capital \"H.\" He must have put a lot of\u003cbr /\u003e     effort into getting ready for the date, which you\u003cbr /\u003e     noticed - and appreciated.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ec)  Hmmm.... you didn't actually notice. You were too\u003cbr /\u003e     busy planning your escape route.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ed)  Like a slob. His shirt was wrinkly and his hair was\u003cbr /\u003e     doing that \"bed-head\" thing. But maybe that's the\u003cbr /\u003e     look he was going for?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e3.  How about the date he planned? Were you impressed?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ea)  You had a drink in the neighborhood/grabbed dinner\u003cbr /\u003e     in a low-key restaurant/etc. It didn't matter to you\u003cbr /\u003e     that it wasn't extravagant, you were just enjoying\u003cbr /\u003e     his company.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eb)  LAME - O! Bowling/A Movie/A Coffeehouse?!? He couldn't\u003cbr /\u003e     have picked anything you'd be LESS interested in if he\u003cbr /\u003e     tried.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ec)  Perfect. He knew that Thai food was your favorite,\u003cbr /\u003e     and picked an amazing restaurant you'd never been to\u003cbr /\u003e     before. You were blown away.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ed)  The date that HE planned?!? More like the date that\u003cbr /\u003e     YOU planned! Well it would have been great if the\u003cbr /\u003e     guy you were out with actually had a PULSE.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e4.  Now for the most important part: Conversation.\u003cbr /\u003e How'd that go?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ea)  Like...pulling...teeth.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eb)  Amazing. You talked about everything, and by the end\u003cbr /\u003e     you were finishing each other's sentences like you'd\u003cbr /\u003e     known each other for years.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ec)  You did most of the talking, but he was probably just\u003cbr /\u003e     nervous. Hopefully he'll reciprocate more on the second\u003cbr /\u003e     date.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ed)  The conversation flowed, but based on what you talked\u003cbr /\u003e     about you're not sure you have much in common with one\u003cbr /\u003e     another.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e5)  At the end of the night, how did you feel about the\u003cbr /\u003e possibility of a goodnight kiss?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ea)  Not exactly sure. You were hoping you'd have a \"gut\u003cbr /\u003e     feeling\" in the moment if he tried to kiss you.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eb)  Heck no! You weren't letting that freak anywhere near\u003cbr /\u003e     your lips. He's lucky you made it through dinner.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ec)  You were totally into the idea, hoping he'd try to\u003cbr /\u003e     smooch you at the end of the night.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003ed)  Goodnight kiss? You were making out after the second\u003cbr /\u003e     round of drinks...and that was BEFORE dinner!\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eScoring:\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e1. a \u003d 6    b \u003d 4    c \u003d 2    d \u003d 0\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e2. a \u003d 4    b \u003d 6    c \u003d 0    d \u003d 2\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e3. a \u003d 4    b \u003d 2    c \u003d 6    d \u003d 0\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e4. a \u003d 0    b \u003d 6    c \u003d 4    d \u003d 2\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e5. a \u003d 2    b \u003d 0    c \u003d 6    d \u003d 4\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eNow add your points from each question. If your total is:\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e22 - 30 ..... Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! This was a\u003cbr /\u003e           great first date, at least from your point of\u003cbr /\u003e           view. I don't need to tell you that if he asks\u003cbr /\u003e           you on a second date, you should say yes!\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e14 - 21 ..... Potential dateability. There are so many factors\u003cbr /\u003e           at play on a first date that can affect how you\u003cbr /\u003e           see someone - his nerves, your nerves, unrealistic\u003cbr /\u003e           expectations, preconceived notions, just to name a\u003cbr /\u003e           few - so if you find yourself still interested in\u003cbr /\u003e           this guy now that the night is over, take it as a\u003cbr /\u003e           very good sign. This guy's got potential.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e0 - 13 ..... Don't settle.  Be honest with yourself - he didn't\u003cbr /\u003e           grab your attention, hold your interest, or float\u003cbr /\u003e           your boat, so don't waste any more of your time on\u003cbr /\u003e           him. There are other great guys out there to focus\u003cbr /\u003e           your energy on.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eHow you did you do? Did he pass in your eyes? If you'd like to find out what he thought, you can download Paige Parker's \u003ca href\u003d\"http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/iclk?sa\u003dl\u0026amp;ai\u003dBxjBNVXOMSIDqJ5WiauiHrZ0J0uHcJOaRtIQExY23AQAQARgBIMKT7wc4AFDG4b7T_f____8BYMnW0Ij4o5wVoAGayoT9A7IBGjQwc3NpbmdsZW5lc3MuYmxvZ3Nwb3QuY29tugEKMzAweDI1MF9hc8gBAtoBImh0dHA6Ly80MHNzaW5nbGVuZXNzLmJsb2dzcG90LmNvbS_AAgOoAwPIAwXoAzfoAxP1AwhAAAA\u0026amp;num\u003d1\u0026amp;adurl\u003dhttp://www.on2url.com/app/adtrack.asp%3FMerchantID%3D81198%26AdID%3D341147\u0026amp;client\u003dca-ref-pub-5559867376517951\u0026amp;nm\u003d2\"\u003eebook\u003c/a\u003e for Part 2 of the quiz.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8493752210040404249-882418979452439062?l\u003d40ssingleness.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/882418979452439062/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d8493752210040404249\u0026postID\u003d882418979452439062\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/882418979452439062"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/882418979452439062"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/07/dating-without-drama-first-date-quiz.html","title":"The Dating Without Drama First Date Quiz"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"16626282100331405445"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIxzk9bMKAI/AAAAAAAACCo/bibGOVXTEtw/s72-c/date2.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249.post-2688042230669263632"},"published":{"$t":"2008-07-22T07:00:00.001-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-07-22T07:05:05.873-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"relationships"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating tips"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"relationship advice"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"What Is Going Slow Really?"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003ca onblur\u003d\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href\u003d\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIVM0namqLI/AAAAAAAACCQ/yAkGHyb3lPU/s1600-h/slowsign.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;\" src\u003d\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIVM0namqLI/AAAAAAAACCQ/yAkGHyb3lPU/s400/slowsign.jpg\" alt\u003d\"\" id\u003d\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5225667409450805426\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eNo. Really. People say it all the time in dating...especially if you've had a recent break up or maybe a not so fabulous track record. Go slow. Okay. But what the hell does that really mean. In dating, what's the real definition of 'go slow?\u003c/span\u003e' \u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eDon't get me wrong, especially for us \u003ca href\u003d\"http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/mr-unavailable-and-the-fallback-girl-book-one/\"\u003efallback girls\u003c/a\u003e, it's good advice. Many of us are hard wired to meet a man one day and, boom, be in a relationship the next. So I get that going too fast is a bad thing. Believe me. I do.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eHere's how I know it's bad. Consider \u003ca href\u003d\"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/03/assclowns-douchebags-4.html\"\u003eassclown #4\u003c/a\u003e. We met in April, moved in together in July, got engaged in September and married in December. Boom! Too fast! And, well, we all know how that turned out don't we? So really, I understand not going too fast.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIt's the going slow thing I'm struggling with. Now, I do get part of it. The sex part. I understand enough to know jumping into bed in a New York minute is too fast. I got that. First date? No, bad. Second date. Probably not. Third date? Depends on who you talk to. Not until you're exclusive? Maybe.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eOkay, so despite what it sounds like I really do have the sex part down. I get it. It's about comfort with the new guy and with the relationship. It's about judging whether he's real or Memorex. Lots of variables involved. Got it.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eBut what about outside of that? Because I think this is where I get lost. Let me try to explain.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eYou all know that I had a first date with \u003ca href\u003d\"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/07/online-dating-101-matchcom-finally.html\"\u003eTDIB\u003c/a\u003e a few weeks ago. Now, I am all about taking this one slow. My definition means that he and I exchange short, sweet emails almost daily. We've talked on the phone a handful of times. Nice phone calls of reasonable length. We are working at setting up seeing each other again hopefully this week. Slow. Right? We are taking our time getting to know each other and seeing where it all leads. Good. Right?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eNow my girl G, on the other hand, has also met someone. Though I haven't spent much time with him, he seems nice. All of us, G's friends, are telling her to take it slow. Her relationship with a very nasty EUM only ended a few months ago. So, G has told the nice man she wants to take it slow. Yet, she talk to him daily on the phone and has seen him several times in the last couple of weeks.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eNow, granted TDIB lives in Wichita...about an hour and a half drive from Map Dot. G's dude is more local. So, I get that makes a difference. Both of us are claiming to take it slow, yet my slow feels like a frickin' snail's pace compared to G's slow. And, as I told her yesterday, when she was telling me that she was going to see him last night and maybe again later in the week, I may have to play my bullshit card.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eWhy? It doesn't seem slow. Then again maybe it's because, as I said, I'm hella lost about what slow means. If you're not sleeping with someone but still having at least one and maybe more phone conversations a day and seeing them a few times a week, is that slow? Or is almost daily emails and a few phone calls together with one date and one planned date slow?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eOr does it really vary so much by person because I get that G \u0026amp; I are different people. The thing is though that we have similar childhood and relationship pasts. Do the differences make the difference or do the similarities determine the path?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThoughts?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8493752210040404249-2688042230669263632?l\u003d40ssingleness.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/2688042230669263632/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d8493752210040404249\u0026postID\u003d2688042230669263632\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/2688042230669263632"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/2688042230669263632"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/07/what-is-going-slow-really.html","title":"What Is Going Slow Really?"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"16626282100331405445"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIVM0namqLI/AAAAAAAACCQ/yAkGHyb3lPU/s72-c/slowsign.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249.post-179962757059778937"},"published":{"$t":"2008-07-20T08:13:00.004-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-07-20T08:40:01.274-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating trends"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"older women younger men"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating tips"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Cougars"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"How Do You Approach an Older Woman?"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003ca onblur\u003d\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href\u003d\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIM7JIFT2gI/AAAAAAAACCA/T08QgPaZGuU/s1600-h/olderyounger2.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;\" src\u003d\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIM7JIFT2gI/AAAAAAAACCA/T08QgPaZGuU/s400/olderyounger2.jpg\" alt\u003d\"\" id\u003d\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5225085020654524930\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eKevin asks:\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-style: italic; font-family: verdana;\"\u003eHi there, I am sure that you get many messages like this. I am (late 20s) really into the mature women(late 30s - 40s) but I do not know how to approach them. Can you help me with this?\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eThe answer lies in the reasons why older women are attracted to younger men.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eMany older women who date and are attracted to younger men are attracted to specific things about them. Though many people are quick to think it's all about the sex, that isn't always the case.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eFirst, many older women are attracted to the energy a younger man brings to the table. They love that younger men have a lot of energy and know how to have a good time. In my case, I find older men too serious and too concerned about their careers, their material things, and well...retirement.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eI'm a firm believer that life is meant to be lived in the moment. Retirement will come one day and obviously we should plan for it, but that doesn't mean we should be counting down just yet. There's too much to miss today if we do that. Younger men get that and it's very attractive.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eThe second thing is a generational thing I think. Older men can sometimes be threatened by a successful, independent woman. Younger men, not so much. They are completely comfortable with a woman who lives for herself, thinks for herself, and supports herself without needing a man. There's a respect for accomplishment and independence.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eAnd, of course, there's the sex. While not necessarily a reason in itself, the sex is definitely a bonus. My ex-husband relied on the little blue pill; the men I've dated since not so much. 'Nuff said.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eSo, from my point of view at least, a younger man wanting to date older women needs to embody these things. If you do and are comfortable and confident with yourself, you shouldn't have any problems at all.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eApproach them with respect, use humor, and let them see that you are having fun and enjoying life. All of that being said, if you're serious about dating them and not just bagging a Cougar, you may need to reassure them of that.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eThose of us who seriously date younger men, are offended by younger men trying to just get us into bed so they can add a Cougar to the notches in their bed posts.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eLance, from \u003c/span\u003e\u003ca style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" href\u003d\"http://honeyandlance.com/\"\u003eHoney \u0026amp; Lance\u003c/a\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003e, recently wrote a great post about \u003c/span\u003e\u003ca style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" href\u003d\"http://dadshouseblog.com/2008/07/15/dating-tips-for-40-something-men/\"\u003eolder men who are looking to date younger women\u003c/a\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003e for Dad's House that you might find helpful as well.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eThough his tips are for those older men, there are some great tips that apply. Older women are looking for what Lance advices older men younger women are looking for. It's much of what attracts us to them.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8493752210040404249-179962757059778937?l\u003d40ssingleness.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/179962757059778937/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d8493752210040404249\u0026postID\u003d179962757059778937\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/179962757059778937"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/179962757059778937"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/07/how-do-you-approach-older-woman.html","title":"How Do You Approach an Older Woman?"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"16626282100331405445"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIM7JIFT2gI/AAAAAAAACCA/T08QgPaZGuU/s72-c/olderyounger2.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249.post-2959925522366816332"},"published":{"$t":"2008-07-19T07:27:00.004-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-07-19T07:35:30.210-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating service"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating tips"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"No Love For Dallas Dating Service"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003ca onblur\u003d\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href\u003d\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIHfizDCaGI/AAAAAAAACB4/G3j6en1dvjo/s1600-h/coach.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;\" src\u003d\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIHfizDCaGI/AAAAAAAACB4/G3j6en1dvjo/s400/coach.jpg\" alt\u003d\"\" id\u003d\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5224702831637981282\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eThe Better Business Bureau has received 55 complaints against Dallas' The Right One. The dating service, which boasts 40,000 members, says taking care of its members is its number one priority.\u003c/span\u003e \u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e \u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eNot all members feel they've been taken care of. Though The Right One has offered to refund \"Jane's\" money and give her a free lifetime membership, she says \"No, thanks,\" and warns singles to stay away from them.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003ccenter\u003e\u003cscript language\u003d\"javascript\" src\u003d\"http://www.thenewsroom.com/mash/swf/voxant_player.js?a\u003dV2630117\u0026amp;m\u003d555332\u0026amp;w\u003d300\u0026amp;h\u003d325\"\u003e\u003c/script\u003e\u003c/center\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8493752210040404249-2959925522366816332?l\u003d40ssingleness.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/2959925522366816332/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d8493752210040404249\u0026postID\u003d2959925522366816332\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/2959925522366816332"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/2959925522366816332"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/07/no-love-for-dallas-dating-service.html","title":"No Love For Dallas Dating Service"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"16626282100331405445"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SIHfizDCaGI/AAAAAAAACB4/G3j6en1dvjo/s72-c/coach.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249.post-4063223616505043817"},"published":{"$t":"2008-07-14T09:08:00.001-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-07-14T09:11:03.699-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"guest writers"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"relationships"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating tips"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"relationship advice"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"love"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"A Time Limit on Love? -- Guest Post"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003ca onblur\u003d\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href\u003d\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHtd14fHEZI/AAAAAAAACAM/BvCxz3TaDpg/s1600-h/teen+couple+4.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;\" src\u003d\"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHtd14fHEZI/AAAAAAAACAM/BvCxz3TaDpg/s400/teen+couple+4.jpg\" alt\u003d\"\" id\u003d\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5222871373143544210\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eNOTE: This one is written by none other than my beautiful baby daughter, Kaci!\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eSomeone once asked me if loved is based on time. Questions such as are there certain steps in relationships that you must take and that require certain lengths of time before you get there. How many articles have you seen in which the title starts with “how long before…?” or “how many dates before…?” Even things like should you kiss on the first date?\u003c/span\u003e \u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"  style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIf you see those articles, please rip them in half. Don’t listen to them. Love has no time limit. The reason it seems like it does is because people like to judge. People judge other's relationships and say that there's no way they can be in love they haven't known each other long enough.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eLove doesn’t happen after one week, one month, one year, so on and so forth. As the relationship progresses, love blossoms. It is different for every couple. I think it’s wrong to tell someone they can’t be or aren’t in love because it hasn’t been long enough. Some people want to move slow and set a sort of time frame for themselves, others want to move fast.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eAnd although I don’t believe in time limits, I do believe in moving too fast. People get so caught up in new relationships they don’t take the time to focus on the relationship itself and don’t give everything the relationship needs.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eBut I’m not saying these relationships can’t work out in the long run because I absolutely believe they can. It isn’t how long you’ve known someone, it’s how MUCH you know about them. Along the same lines, people often judge teenagers who say they are in love, saying they are too young to be in love.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eLove isn’t like alcohol, you don’t have to be 21 to feel it. I believe a fifteen year old can fall in love just as easily as a 26 year old can. I think most people use time limits and age limits as excuses for reasons why relationships end. You shouldn’t use “we moved too fast” as an excuse, it didn’t work out because you weren’t meant to be together, not because you moved too fast. Love doesn’t have a time limit or an age limit, love is love.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8493752210040404249-4063223616505043817?l\u003d40ssingleness.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/4063223616505043817/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d8493752210040404249\u0026postID\u003d4063223616505043817\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/4063223616505043817"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/4063223616505043817"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/07/time-limit-on-love-guest-post.html","title":"A Time Limit on Love? -- Guest Post"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"16626282100331405445"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHtd14fHEZI/AAAAAAAACAM/BvCxz3TaDpg/s72-c/teen+couple+4.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249.post-4051626275110205013"},"published":{"$t":"2008-07-13T09:04:00.000-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-07-13T09:05:04.129-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating advice"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"relationships"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating tips"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"relationship advice"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Giving Dating Advice-Are the Blind Leading the Blind?"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003ca style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" onblur\u003d\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href\u003d\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHeR0hMNtxI/AAAAAAAACAE/qxFALSuQSMA/s1600-h/blind+leading+blind+3.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;\" src\u003d\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHeR0hMNtxI/AAAAAAAACAE/qxFALSuQSMA/s400/blind+leading+blind+3.jpg\" alt\u003d\"\" id\u003d\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221802624408205074\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eHere's the thing. I never claimed to be a dating expert. Someone called me a dating guru once, but I'm pretty sure he'd been drinking...a lot! The truth of the matter is I'm not an expert. I'm just a 40something girl who's trying to muddle her way the challenges of dating in her 40s, and I have learned some things along the way. Things that I hope will help others trying to figure it all out.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"  style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eLord knows there are tons of dating/relationship blogs out there. There are dating/relationship articles on Match.com, Yahoo personals, MSN, etc. etc. Some are authored by dating experts-dating coaches, psychologists, counselors. And some are written by everyday, ordinary people who have learned some things in their dating/relationship journey.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIn my case, what I've learned, even recently, has been invaluable for me to find the partner and relationship I'm looking for. The one I deserve. So, while I may not be an expert, there are some things that I know.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e*I know that dating in your 40s is very different from dating in your younger years. It brings with it a whole new set of challenges.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e*I know that some dating issues are universal. Whether you're 40someting or 20something, there are some things that transcend those age lines.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e*I know that I have learned so much from other peoples' experiences. Therefore, I hope others can learn from mine.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e*I know that I have come a hella long way from where I started. While, I don't pretend to have all the answers, I have a lot more answers than I did in the beginning.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e*I know that I have also learned from your comments and the discussions that have taken place here and, again, I hope others have as well.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e*I know that 40s Singleness is, for me, about my journey. I write to learn things about myself, to process things that have happened in my dating life, to share that journey.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eI never set out to do anything but share my experiences with other people facing the same challenges and yet, I believe, experience is in itself the best teacher. So if you're here because you've been tippin' the bottle and you think I'm a dating guru, you'd better click the little X and move on.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eOn the other hand, if you're here because you enjoy learning a little something as I stumble along the path and you're enjoying the journey, please stick around and come back often. There's still a lot to learn; still a long ways to go.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eHave I learned it all? Do I have all the answers? Unequivocally, no! I'm still learning; still wandering along the path figuring things out. I'm taking the journey one step at a time and, sometimes, I take a couple of steps back which serves to remind me there's still a lot to learn. From all of this I have learned it's not so much the destination, but the journey that matters.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThoughts?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8493752210040404249-4051626275110205013?l\u003d40ssingleness.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/4051626275110205013/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d8493752210040404249\u0026postID\u003d4051626275110205013\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/4051626275110205013"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/4051626275110205013"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/07/giving-dating-advice-are-blind-leading.html","title":"Giving Dating Advice-Are the Blind Leading the Blind?"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"16626282100331405445"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHeR0hMNtxI/AAAAAAAACAE/qxFALSuQSMA/s72-c/blind+leading+blind+3.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249.post-5120812839401239624"},"published":{"$t":"2008-07-11T07:00:00.000-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-07-11T07:00:07.030-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"online dating"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"Match.com"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"online dating 101"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating tips"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Online Dating 101-Match.com Finally Comes Through!"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003ca style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" onblur\u003d\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href\u003d\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHYMLvvgUAI/AAAAAAAAB_8/-Qj-_NPm1mE/s1600-h/love+online2.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;\" src\u003d\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHYMLvvgUAI/AAAAAAAAB_8/-Qj-_NPm1mE/s400/love+online2.jpg\" alt\u003d\"\" id\u003d\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5221374213916479490\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eMy \u003c/span\u003e\u003ca style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" target\u003d\"new\" href\u003d\"http://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/click?id\u003dT6qOenIVhNk\u0026amp;offerid\u003d85515.10000013\u0026amp;type\u003d3\u0026amp;subid\u003d0\"\u003eMatch.com\u003c/a\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" src\u003d\"http://ad.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/show?id\u003dT6qOenIVhNk\u0026amp;bids\u003d85515.10000013\u0026amp;type\u003d3\u0026amp;subid\u003d0\" width\u003d\"1\" border\u003d\"0\" height\u003d\"1\" /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003e \u003c/span\u003e\u003ca style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" href\u003d\"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/06/online-dating-101-what-not-to-say-in.html\"\u003esubscription ended last month\u003c/a\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003e and, as I've said, I decided not to renew it. Before it ended though, I had begun corresponding with someone from Wichita. We actually had plans to meet a few weeks ago, but they fell through at the last minute. I really thought letting the subscription expire and calling it a day was the way to go.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eAnd since this guy, the one who canceled, hadn't contacted me since I thought that was best let it go too. He didn't really seem interested. Then, out of nowhere, he called me last week.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eYou could have knocked me over with a feather. We talked for awhile and I told him I was planning to be in Wichita for a few days this week. We made plans to meet last night.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eCan I just say holy crap? Talk about an incredible evening. I can honestly tell you that lil lisaq hasn't had a date that fantastic in years! Yes, years.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThe evening began at Fox \u0026amp; Hound where we met for drinks. Since it was a first meet, we planned to keep it short, so a little over an hour later we had made plans to see each other again and said good night.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eI hadn't driven very far when TDIB (tall, dark \u0026amp; incredibly beautiful!) called to say that he wasn't ready for the evening to end! Did I already say holy crap? I turned my car around and we spent about another hour sitting and talking on the waterfront.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIt was awesome! He was awesome. Conversation was easy and comfortable. We talked about what we were looking for in a partner, what had attracted us to each other's profiles and what attracts us to someone in general.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eI'll tell you what I told him about what attracted me to his profile. You know how some people are always saying they are looking for someone to complete them? And how I've always said that what you need to find is someone who compliments you? Uh huh. TDIB said pretty much just that in his profile.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIt was so nice to finally meet someone that I am looking forward to spending more time with and getting to know better. Someone who seems to view relationships in the same way and who is looking for some of the same things.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eGive up on \u003ca target\u003d\"new\" href\u003d\"http://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/click?id\u003dT6qOenIVhNk\u0026amp;offerid\u003d85515.10000013\u0026amp;type\u003d3\u0026amp;subid\u003d0\"\u003eMatch.com\u003c/a\u003e\u003cimg src\u003d\"http://ad.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/show?id\u003dT6qOenIVhNk\u0026amp;bids\u003d85515.10000013\u0026amp;type\u003d3\u0026amp;subid\u003d0\" width\u003d\"1\" border\u003d\"0\" height\u003d\"1\" /\u003e? What the hell was I thinking?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003ca target\u003d\"new\" href\u003d\"http://click.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/click?id\u003dT6qOenIVhNk\u0026amp;offerid\u003d85515.10000158\u0026amp;subid\u003d0\u0026amp;type\u003d4\"\u003e\u003cimg alt\u003d\"Match.com\" src\u003d\"http://ad.linksynergy.com/fs-bin/show?id\u003dT6qOenIVhNk\u0026amp;bids\u003d85515.10000158\u0026amp;subid\u003d0\u0026amp;type\u003d4\u0026amp;gridnum\u003d1\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8493752210040404249-5120812839401239624?l\u003d40ssingleness.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/5120812839401239624/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d8493752210040404249\u0026postID\u003d5120812839401239624\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/5120812839401239624"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/5120812839401239624"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/07/online-dating-101-matchcom-finally.html","title":"Online Dating 101-Match.com Finally Comes Through!"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"16626282100331405445"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHYMLvvgUAI/AAAAAAAAB_8/-Qj-_NPm1mE/s72-c/love+online2.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249.post-1167493201509266830"},"published":{"$t":"2008-07-06T08:19:00.003-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-07-06T08:53:59.573-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"relationships"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating tips"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"relationship advice"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"love"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"communication"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"Communication Barriers in Dating \u0026 Relationships"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003ca style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" onblur\u003d\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href\u003d\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHDHx3bbhZI/AAAAAAAAB_E/-eV62T1TVTE/s1600-h/couple+talking.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;\" src\u003d\"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHDHx3bbhZI/AAAAAAAAB_E/-eV62T1TVTE/s400/couple+talking.jpg\" alt\u003d\"\" id\u003d\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5219891627628922258\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\"\u003eThough we all know how important communication is in dating \u0026amp; relationships, there are times when one or the other partner may have difficulties communicating. It doesn't mean that partner doesn't want to communicate; it just means it something they struggle to do. Many times it has nothing to do with their partner. Rather, it may be because of old beliefs from their past. I am one of those people.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family: verdana;\" class\u003d\"fullpost\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eGrowing up I was not given the opportunity to express my feelings. They were not considered important. On the few occasions when I tried to do so, I was dismissed or even demeaned. Thus, I learned to keep my feelings to myself.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThis pattern which began in childhood continued in my adult relationships. I chose men who didn't value or respect me or my opinions and feelings. If I managed to talk about my feelings, those feelings were pushed aside or ridiculed.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eFast forward 20something years, and you find a girl who has an extremely difficult times expressing her feelings in her relationships with men. The crazy part of the whole thing is that I can sit and talk about my feelings with my daughters or my closest girlfriends, but put a man in front of me that I care about and it becomes something akin to poking my own eyes out.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eEverything I want to say is in my head spinning around and around. My stomach tightens and fills with mammoth sized butterflies and nothing comes out of my mouth. The words either just sit there spinning around in my brain or they flat out disappear.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIt is more difficult for me than I can even explain. Never even mind the frustration. It registers about 9.5 on the Richter scale causing devastating\u003cbr /\u003econsequences.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eI have tried very hard to overcome this obstacle as I fully understand the importance of being able to express my feelings in relationships. I get it. I have finally reached the point where I can explain why it's so difficult for me, but I seemed to have plateaued.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eSo how to fix it? Well, I know what doesn't work. Pressure and pushing. When I am in such a conversation with a man, and my mind feels he is pressuring me or pushing me to talk, I clam up even more. My brain becomes very stubborn and digs its heels in. If there were words in there spinning around, they disappear. The same problem occurs if the man seems cold and uncaring or even impatient.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eSo, again, how to fix it? I really believe it comes down to finding the right man to be able to draw my feelings out. A friend of mine recently said that it takes a strong man to deal with her and I thought to myself, \"Yep. Me too.\" Except that, in my case, it's going to take more than strength.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIt is going to take a man who is empathetic, caring, and compassionate. He will also need to be patient. Rather than pushing and pressuring me into talking, he will need to use the right combination of prompting and care.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIn other words, I will need to feel safe and secure in the relationship and will need to know that, when my feelings are expressed, they will be received with respect and will be valued.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIt's why I am able to talk to my girls and my close friends. I know that whatever I say or how ever I feel, they are going to understand and won't devalued or dismiss.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eThoughts?\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8493752210040404249-1167493201509266830?l\u003d40ssingleness.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/1167493201509266830/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d8493752210040404249\u0026postID\u003d1167493201509266830\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/1167493201509266830"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/1167493201509266830"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/07/communication-barriers-in-dating.html","title":"Communication Barriers in Dating \u0026 Relationships"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"16626282100331405445"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SHDHx3bbhZI/AAAAAAAAB_E/-eV62T1TVTE/s72-c/couple+talking.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}},{"id":{"$t":"tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8493752210040404249.post-1417467114457554644"},"published":{"$t":"2008-06-28T07:32:00.002-05:00"},"updated":{"$t":"2008-06-28T07:32:01.414-05:00"},"category":[{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"flirting"},{"scheme":"http://www.blogger.com/atom/ns#","term":"dating tips"}],"title":{"type":"text","$t":"How to Flirt Like a Pro"},"content":{"type":"html","$t":"\u003ca onblur\u003d\"try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}\" href\u003d\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SGUlou59ToI/AAAAAAAAB-U/axh4yr8ur3M/s1600-h/legs+flirting.jpg\"\u003e\u003cimg style\u003d\"margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;\" src\u003d\"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SGUlou59ToI/AAAAAAAAB-U/axh4yr8ur3M/s400/legs+flirting.jpg\" alt\u003d\"\" id\u003d\"BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5216617125094706818\" border\u003d\"0\" /\u003e\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003eA tongue in cheek look at flirting. Though funny, there is some truth mixed in here. You may just want to pull it back some...ummm...maybe more than some. Or maybe you want to mix in some of the other tips listed after the video.\u003c/span\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cspan class\u003d\"fullpost\"  style\u003d\"font-family:verdana;\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cembed src\u003d\"http://services.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f8/1155282176\" bgcolor\u003d\"#FFFFFF\" flashvars\u003d\"videoId\u003d1469604305\u0026amp;playerId\u003d1155282176\u0026amp;viewerSecureGatewayURL\u003dhttps://services.brightcove.com/services/amfgateway\u0026amp;servicesURL\u003dhttp://services.brightcove.com/services\u0026amp;cdnURL\u003dhttp://admin.brightcove.com\u0026amp;domain\u003dembed\u0026amp;autoStart\u003dfalse\u0026amp;\" base\u003d\"http://admin.brightcove.com\" name\u003d\"flashObj\" seamlesstabbing\u003d\"false\" type\u003d\"application/x-shockwave-flash\" swliveconnect\u003d\"true\" pluginspage\u003d\"http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version\u003dShockwaveFlash\" width\u003d\"486\" height\u003d\"412\"\u003e\u003c/embed\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eOther tried and true flirting tips you may want to consider.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eMake eye contact. Now, I'm not talking about a fleeting glance although that may be a good place to start. Paige Parker, of Dating Without Drama, suggests a 3 second look. Uh huh, 3 seconds. Then break it. You don't want to be stalkerish.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eNext, be sure to smile. Oh I know, it sounds like a gimme, but sometimes the butterflies in your tummy make you forget the basics. And don't come off like a hyena. Just smile naturally.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eBe playful. That's what flirting is all about really, so why not have a little fun with it. And while you're at it, laugh. Laughter is contagious and puts people at ease.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eMy girl G. told me she had a terrific conversation last night with a guy on the phone. Her tip? Ask him about himself. He is probably one of his favorite topics. Hell, we're all that way. It makes us feel good about ourselves when people are interested in us and what we do and think.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eGive him something to remember; something unique about you that makes you stand out in the crowd. Something that will capture his interest.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eIt's difficult to judge flirting when you've only talked to someone on the phone or via text or email. Why? Because body language is that huge. Actions still speak louder than words and those actions give you a better sense of the person you are flirting with and they with you.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003eFor more dating/flirting tips, subscribe to Paige Parker's Dating Without Drama.\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cscript type\u003d\"text/javascript\"\u003e\u003c!-- google_ad_client \u003d \"pub-5559867376517951\"; /* Text link, created 6/27/08 */ google_ad_slot \u003d \"5850989149\"; google_ad_output \u003d \"textlink\"; google_ad_format \u003d \"ref_text\"; google_cpa_choice \u003d \"\"; // on file //--\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/script\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cscript type\u003d\"text/javascript\" src\u003d\"http://pagead2.googlesyndication.com/pagead/show_ads.js\"\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/script\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003cbr /\u003e\u003c/span\u003e\u003cdiv class\u003d\"blogger-post-footer\"\u003e\u003cimg width\u003d'1' height\u003d'1' src\u003d'https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/8493752210040404249-1417467114457554644?l\u003d40ssingleness.blogspot.com' alt\u003d'' /\u003e\u003c/div\u003e"},"link":[{"rel":"replies","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/feeds/1417467114457554644/comments/default","title":"Post Comments"},{"rel":"replies","type":"text/html","href":"https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID\u003d8493752210040404249\u0026postID\u003d1417467114457554644\u0026isPopup\u003dtrue","title":"0 Comments"},{"rel":"edit","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/1417467114457554644"},{"rel":"self","type":"application/atom+xml","href":"http://www.blogger.com/feeds/8493752210040404249/posts/default/1417467114457554644"},{"rel":"alternate","type":"text/html","href":"http://40ssingleness.blogspot.com/2008/06/how-to-flirt-like-pro.html","title":"How to Flirt Like a Pro"}],"author":[{"name":{"$t":"lisa q."},"uri":{"$t":"http://www.blogger.com/profile/16685625884419877570"},"email":{"$t":"noreply@blogger.com"},"gd$extendedProperty":{"xmlns$gd":"http://schemas.google.com/g/2005","name":"OpenSocialUserId","value":"16626282100331405445"}}],"media$thumbnail":{"xmlns$media":"http://search.yahoo.com/mrss/","url":"http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_d3oVom-ddJA/SGUlou59ToI/AAAAAAAAB-U/axh4yr8ur3M/s72-c/legs+flirting.jpg","height":"72","width":"72"},"thr$total":{"xmlns$thr":"http://purl.org/syndication/thread/1.0","$t":"0"}}]}});