2008-05-16
The Long and Winding Road
A million thoughts race through my head today. It's one of those kinds of days where I spend my time in reflection wondering about what has been and what is yet to come. My mind wanders takes the strangest twists and turns and goes places that both baffle and exhilarate me.
I seem to find a reason to doubt almost every man I come in contact with. Could it simply be self preservation or am I correctly reading the signs? Have I narrowed my list of wants and needs in a relationship to the point where no man on earth could fit the bill?
And yet there are a few out there, ones I have come across through 40s Singleness and other places, that make me smile when I think of them or my heart do a little jump when I hear from them. Men I've not yet met that intrigue me and say or do little things that make my heart race. Could these men simply be what my mind has made them or are they, in reality, what they seem? These men are the basis for the hope I keep. But I have to wonder if it's real or based only on fantasy?
I watched part of Randy Pausch's "Last Lecture" again today. If I had a goal as to how to live my life, it would be as he does his. So insightful, so grounded, so right on. He is a man among men and, at the end of his life, he has it all figured out.
But that's not necessarily what I mean. I don't need to figure it all out, only enough. Enough to have that kind of faith and tenacity. To know that I will break through the brick wall I have set for myself and not be one of the 'other people' that the wall was meant to keep out.
Isn't it funny that, just when I think I've made so much progress, I stop to realize that I've almost been standing still? The road still stretches out before me looking so, so long.
Isn't it funny that, just when I think I've made so much progress, I stop to realize that I've almost been standing still? The road still stretches out before me looking so, so long.
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