How to Get the Girl...Advice for the Men.
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I've been doing some thinking about what it is that makes us attractive to the opposite sex. How is it that we come to a state where we attract not only a man or a woman, but the man or the woman that was made just for us? Specifically, what could a man do to attract me and vice versa.
Today I'll focus on How to Get the Girl for the men. Tomorrow, How to Get the Guy for the women.
For the men:
If you want to attract the girl, you have to be attractive to the girl. And I'm not talking about how you look. I'm talking about being the things that attract women.
1. Be in a position to date.
Have the resources to date. I recently met a man online who couldn't even afford the gas to drive 30 miles to meet me. Another invited me out, agreed to meet at a restaurant, and then, when the server returned for the 4th time and I asked if he wanted to order, he asked if I was paying the tab. Really? I'm not saying you have to be in the Fortune 500, but if you can't afford a cup of coffee there's more wrong than just your income. You need to make some changes.
Because really it's not about the money. It's about knowing who you are and what you want out of life and then getting it. Women are attracted to men who have some drive. They are attracted to motivation and men with goals.
These men tend to exude confidence and any woman out there will tell you there's nothing sexier than a man with confidence.
2. Break your ties with your exes.
Mr. No Gas Money also still lived with his ex. Not because they were still involved, but for financial reasons. Okay, but still. Where are you going to take your new love for a quiet, romantic evening? Your place? And if the ex comes home early or unexpectedly? Can you imagine having her spend the night and running into the ex in the bathroom the next morning? Awkward. Very, very awkward.
My old college boyfriend happened to have an ex with the same name as mine. It prompted him to talk about her every time the thought popped into his head which was about every other sentence. She was a nice girl you know. It just didn't work out. Lord God, get over her already!
Get your ducks in a row. Get the divorce papers signed. Have the bonfire and burn the clothes left behind. Do what you need to do to heal. Be healthy and ready for a new relationship.
3. Be emotionally available.
Good God. If you're not ready for a relationship, be up front about it. Want to date casually? Fabulous. I have just five words for you. First, full disclosure. Second, back it up.
Make sure the women you're dating know that you are not looking for a relationship. And if she is, walk away. Don't see her again. Ever.
If you aren't looking for a relationship and she is, telling her isn't enough. It's like talking to the wind. In her mind, if you see her again, she'll be the one to make you see it's a relationship you want.
Don't ask her out again, don't call her, don't kiss her and be damn sure you don't sleep with her. If you sleep with her knowing full well there is no relationship in the future, shame on you!
Just walk away and find the girls who are just dating casually too. Otherwise, she is in for heartbreak and you will find yourself with a woman who is completely attached to you. Trust me. I not only know women, I was that woman. And honestly, it can only end badly.
4. Learn to communicate.
Nothing is more frustrating than trying to have a conversation with someone who has no idea how.
Get over yourself and learn to interact with your date. No one wants to have an 'all about me' conversation. Me, Me, Me will want to make her poke her eyes out. Or yours.
Ask about her and her interests. Learn to have a conversation that will help you get to know her. How else will you know if she has dating potential?
Don't get into the deep stuff too quickly. She doesn't want to know all of your childhood trials and tribulations or the details of your divorce on the first date. And I'm damn sure you don't want to know hers. Save that for later when you know you're ready to get to know her on a deeper level.
Keep your financial conquests to yourself. The old college boyfriend (OCB) had to tell me every day, several times a day how much he made that day. I could never tell if he was bragging or letting me know he could support me. Either way, I could have cared less. It was annoying and it made me uncomfortable.
Don't ask her personal, financial information. On date number three OCB, asked if I was broke. Really? I'm pretty sure it was because he wanted to make sure I could buy a big screen TV for him to watch at my house. But whatever the motivation, bite your tongue. On those first few dates, that information is none of your business anymore than your financial information is hers. Again, save it for the time when you're ready to take the relationship to the next level.
5. Know what you want in a relationship
How will you ever find what you're looking for if you have know idea what you want?
Imagine calling the Universe to order the perfect woman.
"Hello? Yes, hi, I'd like to order my perfect woman please. What's that? Oh, what should she look like? Well, I don't know. Pretty I guess. Huh? Personality? Well, you know, I want a nice girl."
Come on dude, you have to do better than that. Never mind the looks. I'm willing to bet you've already got that down. Probably personality too. Maybe you know you want a girl who is compassionate and caring and who has a fabulous sense of humor. Great, wonderful, fabulous.
But what do you want in a relationship? In your perfect relationship, how does she show support, caring, love? Are you looking for a woman who is looking for stability and security? That's fabulous unless you are a wannabe rock star. Looking for a free spirit? Great. Unless you're an accountant who has to have everything in order.
Finally, if you're looking for the girl who completes you, rent Jerry McGuire and fantasize about Renee Zwellger. Be your own complete person. Be whole. You don't need someone to complete you. Hell, you don't want someone to complete you. What you need, what you should want is someone to compliment you. Someone who fits. As cliche as it sounds, someone who 'gets' you.
This post is part of a roundtable series on attraction with a group of fellow bloggers. The blogs range from career development to dating advice to pickup. The original subject was, “what is your best advice for being more attractive?” See the other great posts below, and watch this space as more get published in the next few days. My post kind of outgrew itself, so I'll be posting the part two tomorrow.
Lance: 5 Ways to Be More Attractive, Stop Sucking, and Dominate Your Life
Honey: What Women Are Looking For…Hell, Men Too!
Monica O’Brien: What Women Really Want In A Man
Nick Sparks: Blogger Roundtable
Hot Alpha Female: The Power of A Magnetic Personality
Natalie Lue: Attraction: 4 Things That Make You Attractive...or Unattractive...
Natalie Lue @ Ask Dan & Jennifer: Top Ten Tips for Dressing For Dating Success
Hot Alpha Female @ Baggage Reclaim: You Are Not Worth My Time!! -How to Know When to Ditch That Guy
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