2008-03-23
Assclowns & Douchebags- #1
Special thanks to NML & Lance for the title inspiration because really no other words describe them as well.
The Men
In an effort to work on clearing my belief that I'm damaged merchandise and a failure because I've been married 4 times, I thought it might be a good idea to take a good, hard look at the 4 ex-lisaq's.The interesting thing about them is that really were a very diverse group though they obviously had similarities.
Assclown #1
Ugh! Even the story of how we met turns my stomach. I was 21 and going nowhere fast working at the local Sonic Drive-In. I was still really in my old teenage pattern trying to find someone, something to make me feel important, valued and good enough to love.I worked with a girl I hated. Agnes was a bitch. There's just no other word to describe her. She was a horrid, mean girl. Assclown #1 started driving up to Sonic on a regular basis and Agnes took a liking to him. She thought he was hot. I decided, because I hated her, I was going to have him and she most definitely was not. Great basis for a relationship right? No, not so much.
He was younger by 3 years, about 5' 7" and wore those tight ass designer jeans that were so popular in the early 80s. And the hair! Can you say hair band style?
Anyway, I set my sights on him and grab him up I did. That was in November. New Year's Eve brought about an unexpected surprise. I was pregnant. We had actually broken up for some reason I can't seem to remember by the time I found out.
Of course, we not only had to get back together but we had to get married. My mother damn near demanded it. We got married in April. I'll never forget standing at the doors of the sanctuary thinking if my maid of honor would just suggest we forget the whole damn thing and go for a drink, I'd have soooo been gone! But the pressure of knowing my mom would kill me got me down the aisle and through the "I do's."
Even before the wedding, I saw the controlling behavior begin. We moved to his hometown where I was effectively cut off from family and friends.
Here's an example of the hell I endured. He demanded lunch at noon and dinner on the table when he got home from work. If I wanted to visit family or friends out of town, it had to be between mealtimes. Considering it was about an hour's drive, it was all but impossible to do.
On one occasion, when beautifuleldestdaughter was 3 months old, he came home to find dinner wasn't ready. BED had been fussy and I just could not console her and cook at the same time. When he complained, I told him he was in charge of the baby and I would fix his damn dinner. I fixed a bottle and handed her to him. Next thing I know, she was screaming her little head off. When I went to see what the problem was, she was in her infant seat. He had propped her bottle up and it had fallen. He was staring at the TV completely oblivious to her screams.
On top of this, his family hated me and they were everywhere. He worked for his dad. One night they were working late. He insisted I bring the baby and come to where they were working. BED was just starting to smile and she flashed her most beautiful smile at his dad. I said, "Oh sweetie. Are you smiling at grandpa?" He said, serious as a heart attack, "Never call me grandpa again."
BED was born in September and by May it was obvious I couldn't live like I was one minute longer. The verbal and emotional abuse was constant. He never let up. I catered to his needs or paid the price. Obviously, my needs, and the baby's were not at all important.
On Memorial Day weekend, it all fell apart and I told him I wanted to leave. He called my parents (Yep, he did; not me) and told them he was bringing me home. He called his dad who was more than willing to loan him a trailer, loaded the baby and I up and delivered us to my parents. All in the same day.
I saw him twice after that. Once for beautifuleldestdaughter's 1st birthday and once when I took the baby for a weekend with him. When I arrived to pick her up, he was having a party and she was at his grandmother's. Neither one of us ever saw him again. He disappeared to California and then Hawaii and quit paying child support. He returned to Kansas about 8 years ago and is currently living in the Kansas City area. He has never contacted or tried to have a relationship with his daughter.
The Ramifications
Twenty three years old and divorced with a baby, already suffering from low self esteem, and carting around beliefs of not being important or worthy of love, I knew just one thing. I knew that I would not be controlled again. I felt as if I had married and divorced my mother, and the only thing I knew was that the next man would not control me.Tune in tomorrow to see how that worked for me!
The series...
Assclowns & Douchebags-#1
Assclowns & Douchebags-#2
Assclowns & Douchebags-#3
Assclowns & Douchebags-#4
Assclowns & Douchebags-The Wrap Up
Assclowns & Doucebags-The Return
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